The Lingo-Shake

by Shanna Deneux

Are you American? Ever met French people? They tried to speak to you and you couldn’t reply? This is for you. 

Are you French? Ever met American people? They tried to speak to you and you couldn’t reply? This is for you. 

Speaking to one another is one thing; understanding one another… Well, that’s another thing. Screw Duolingo; this is the guide you have been waiting for. 

A. Manual on how to Speak French for Americans 

1. Repeat the words as if they were English because everything is translated into English anyway 

Je → J uh 

Suis → Sewy 

Americain → Ah - Mur - ee - k-huh 

2. Apply what you learn to a French native 

3. Get rejected because of different phonetics 

B. Manual on how to speak English for French 

1. Repeat the words as if they were French because you can’t hide your accent anyway

I → Aïe

Am → Aime 

French → French 

2. Apply what you learn to an American Native 

3. Get rejected because of a different accent 

Repeat what you learn to each other 3 times. 

Understand each other's language. 

Now reverse the manuals. 

If you are French, read the English translation as if it were French. 

If you are American, read the French translation as if it were English.

French: 

J uh → Jus 

Sewy → Seu oui 

Ah-Mur-Ee-K-Huh → Amure et Q 

American: 

Aïe → Ay 

Aime → Amy 

French → French 

Speak to each other with the new translation. Only communicate that way.