Fantasy Feasts

Krusty Krab 4/5

The Krusty Krab is a cute little place in the middle of fucking nowhere. I was honestly surprised to see people there, but I was soon to find out why.

The squid-looking guy behind the counter has obviously been having a rough day. He didn’t even notice I was there. When I had finally gotten his attention, he put down his newspaper and slouched over the register. The phrase: “Welcome to the Krusty Krab, how can I take your order?” slowly meandered its way out of his mouth. I hesitantly ordered the Krabby meal with a small Seafoam soda for 3.50. I would have to assume that's not American dollars. I've never seen prices that low.  My food was out really quickly. My Krabby Patty was perfectly cooked, the patty was tender, and the lettuce was meticulously laid on top. I appreciated the good, even spread of ketchup and mustard. I really felt like someone had put a lot of love into the craft of this hamburger. 

Hats off to the chef in the back.

If you’re looking for a beautiful burger, you’ve found the right place; you just have to look past the customer service. Personally, it wasn’t too big a bother as someone who's worked in the restaurant industry. I still couldn’t give 5 stars, though, so 4 will have to do. 

Papa’s Freezeria 3/5

Popped in for a quick dessert run with my partner. There was a long line out the door, so I assumed it was quite the spot. As I moved up in line, I realized that there was only one guy working the whole store. Everyone was streamlined; simply state your order and wait. There were so many options with different syrups, drizzles, fluffs, and other toppings. I was amazed that he could remember all of our orders. I had a peek over the counter, and it was quite messy, so if you have allergies, I recommend you bring your EPIPen just in case. 

Once we got our ice cream, it was quite delicious. I got an espresso brownie mixable with chocolate mousse, Derpes, and a hazelnut swirl. My partner had vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles and a strawberry wafer. We were very thankful to snag a table and scarf down our ice cream. The ice cream itself was alright, but the real selling point was all the toppings we were able to add on. 

I hope that guy gets paid more than minimum wage

Freddy Fazbears Pizzaria 1/5

The pizza had too much grease on top with slightly undercooked dough. I also ordered Chica’s wings, a small serving just for me, though on the menu it states that it serves three; it most certainly does not. The wings were mild, overly dry, and room temperature when they came out, plus they came only with sweet and sour sauce. 

My waitress, bless her heart, seemed very tired. Couldn’t blame her too much; the kids at the other table had decided that their seats were no longer needed and were running around the place. Their parents were busy working on their second beer of the night. 

I couldn’t put my finger on it, but something was up with those robots. The way the prerecorded track played and their mouths moved was discomforting. Unfortunately, Foxy was out of commission when I went. 

Freddy’s is definitely more for families, and I'm glad that those kids were having fun, but geez, someone should keep an eye on them.

Kaeden Green