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Ask Anna #7: Living with Ex-Friends

Ask Anna

Anonymous Asked: My roommates and I were best friends and chose to live together. Now, they don’t even talk to me. I don’t know what to do.

I’m sorry things don’t seem to be working out for you guys! There’s always a possibility that they’re just too busy to talk, but since you’re asking for help, I have to assume that’s not the case. Has there been an incident you can recall that may have formed this rift? When it comes to friendships, time can make rifts stronger, so it’s important for you guys to meet and discuss this as soon as possible. Assess whether this is a personal problem or a housing problem. If they’re upset with you as a person, you probably have an idea what they’re upset about. If they’re upset because your living styles don’t match, you might be aware of what’s causing the trouble.

It’s important, once you figure out what their complaint might be, to arrange a suite meeting and discuss. When it comes to living situations, compromise is always key. If you can all give up a little something to make your lives easier, that’s ideal. Establish at the beginning of the suite meeting that this is a space of honesty and compromise so you can overcome the problem. Remember, like I’ve said before, to use ‘I’ statements so as not to place the blame on anybody. Try to keep your calm. You probably won’t like what they have to say, but keep an open mind and try to see the validity in what they’re feeling. It’s important to acknowledge the roles all of you have played in your malfunctioned living situation. If they refuse to meet with you and discuss the problem, there’s not much you can do but stick it out and maybe look into rooming somewhere else next year.

Hopefully you guys can find a way to get past this trouble and be friends again. Housing is open right now and it will probably be best for your friendship if you don’t live together again. But that’s okay! Sometimes friends aren’t meant to live together. It’s healthy for your friendship to acknowledge your incompatibilities and move past them.

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Image by Whitney K. Davis


written by
Anna Bronson
April 17, 2019