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Ask Anna #1: Unapproachable People

Ask Anna

Anonymous said: There is someone in my class I’m interested in but she seems unapproachable.

Having a crush is awful and hard. You like them but they don’t seem to notice you, or they seem more interested in someone else, or they wear a t-shirt for a band you openly hate and now you’re certain they could never like you because of all the times you’ve ragged on what’s clearly their favorite band. Maybe you feel hopeless, like there’s no way to make contact with this person without looking and feeling like an idiot, but I promise, there is: talk to them.

Now, I know I sound like your grandma, and I know we at art school are an especially anxious and wary bunch, so I’m going to give you some tips for approaching new people. First, you need a conversation starter. Compliment their clothes, their hair, their work, or something they said in class. Make them feel valued and respected. Second, people love to talk about themselves, so once you get to talking, ask them questions and listen closely to the answers. Easy questions are always: “Where are you from?” “Do you have any siblings?” “Do you have any pets?” and “What’s your dream job?” Third, you need to remember to get out of your own head. If you have a window, take it. Start talking to this person before you can convince yourself not to. Test the waters. If you don’t talk to them at all, you’ll have the first date, wedding, and divorce all in your head before they even get to tell you where they’re from, but with a little conversation you can tell if you vibe or not. Remember to keep the conversation casual; don’t share any dark, personal secrets right away.

If you’re not feeling confident talking to this person in class, you can find out if they’re in a club or a study group and join for a session. When you see them there, say, “Whoa, I didn’t know you were in this club!” and sit by them. You can start a conversation about something discussed in the club or about homework in the study group. You could ask for their opinion on a project or a piece of work you love. You could try to go on an off-campus trip together. You could eat lunch with them in the cafeteria and buy them a snack! If all goes well, you can ask them on a real date soon after your first conversation. If not, you can always slide into their DMs!

Remember that if the conversation doesn’t flow or if they don’t seem very interested after you do your best to get to know them, that’s okay. They might not be the right person for you. Most of the people you date won’t end up married to you. Just have fun, and if this person won’t give you a shot, there are plenty of others who will. You can’t force love.

Best of luck,

Anna

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Image by Whitney K Davis

written by
Anna Bronson
February 22, 2019